Treat it light-heartedly, don’t make a big deal and let him know it’s normal and you understand, and you’re set for open, honest, communicative s-éx.
Another week and another study (this one about sliders Vs deciders) about how likely we are NOT to survive the distance with our current partners. Which is utterly depressing in a glass-half-empty way.
Look at it with glass-half-full eyes, however, and it also means you get the chance to go through that delicious falling in love stage again…and have first time s-éx.
What’s changed from the last time you were single?
For those who are embarking on a s-éxy, new relationship and eager to make a good first impression, here’s what men tell me your new lover’s hoping for.
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He wants you to…
• Give great óral s-éx: it’s not only one of his favourite things, it shows you’re as interested in giving as you are receiving pléasure.
• Be active: I’m not suggesting you bounce around the béd like a four-year-old who’s just consumed their bódy weight in sweéts, but please don’t leave it up to him to make all the moves.
• Not stress about your body: Hiding under the covers, insisting the lights are turned out – you know the drill. Even if your thighs do look like orange peel (and do they really?) you’re having s-éx with the man! Unless it’s a one-night-stand, at some point he’s going to have to see you naked. Get it over and done with: let him see everything first time around and you’ll both feel better.
• Not stress about his performance: First time s-éx can be intense and érotic but it’s also highly charged with éxpectations. Both of you are nervous and eager for it to go well but a female’s nerves are more easily hidden. (Seriously, who’d want a pénis when it’s such an obvious barométer of anxiéty?)
Two things are on the cards if he’s nervous of performing: a lack of érection or prémature éjaculation. How you react to either predicts how good s-éx will be for the two of you in the future.
Treat it light-heartedly, don’t make a big deal and let him know it’s normal and you understand, and you’re set for open, honest, communicative sé-x. Over-react, take it personally or make him feel bad about it and he’ll be even more apprehensive next time around with disastrous results.
• Let him know you’re enjoying it: Listen, he’s watched the odd episode of SATC and (if you’re really lucky) Girls and maybe even picked up the odd s-éx book or two. He knows women fake it and it’s not that easy to get everything right.
Don’t patronise him by pretending you like everything he does (unless of course you do!) but do let him know when he’s doing something particularly well. A moan or ‘ummmm’ will do.
• Save the post-s-éx emotional fallout for your friends: If he really doesn’t want to know you now he’s had his wicked way, you trying to find out if you’re an item will be even more humiliating. If he really likes you, he (or you) will be in contact within a day or so to organise your next date.
The more relaxed you are about the whole thing, the more smitten he’ll be. Be affectionate and shoot a few meaningful looks so he knows it meant something (if indeed it did), but resist hanging onto his légs as he makes for the front door.
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