At 37, Blessing Anuoluwapo (not real name) has had enough tragic encounters to last more than a lifetime. At a point, she hated men and vowed never to get married. No one would blame her, having been raped four times! On two occasions, she was gang- raped by people she called friends.
At the age of ten, when children were only concerned with playing and eating, Anuoluwapo was being molested by their houseboy who was twice her age. He first began by touching her, before it later resulted in him having sèx with her on a number of occasion.
She didn’t tell anyone because the boy had threatened her. He told her that he would deal with her severely if she ever told anybody. At that age, she was confused and did not know what to do.
“When I was about 10 years old, I was abused by our house boy. Then we used to stay in our family house. He used to abuse me. As at then, I did not know anything. He was hefty and easily bullied me. The guy was about 20 years old. I cannot really remember how it happened exactly back then. I did not report him to my parents then because he threatened me,” she said.
Before she turned 20, her father’s friend began caressing her at every opportunity. Whenever he wanted to greet the young girl, he made sure he got a close hug and touched her breast and other private regions.
“Some years after, my father’s friend also had canal knowledge of me. When he came and wanted to greet me, he would hug me closely and touch part of my body he shouldn’t have touched-like my breasts. Because of that, I used to run from him. Whenever he came, I did not want to see him. He came mostly in the evening. I think I was his main target when he came in the evenings so most times when he came, I ran. On this particular day, I was sleeping in the dinning room, there was no light. I noticed that someone was touching me. When I opened my eyes, I saw that he was the one that was touching me. I tried to push him but because he was bigger than me he had an advantage. He pinned me down and it later occurred to me that probably he hypnotized me because when he did that, I became helpless. I tried to push him off; I really tried so he didn’t have sèx with me that day.
“The other time I was sleeping in the parlour when he located me. I don’t know how he always got me. My mother was always facing her business. She was a tailor and the shop was in the compound, but she was always in the shop or at the market. That day, I was sleeping in the parlour. He overpowered me and had sèx with me. He told me that I must not say anything. I cried and carried that burden with me. I did not want to go home anytime I was in school. All this happened before I was 20 years old. It was not easy, it almost got me mad,” she said.
Again her father’s friend threatened her that she must not tell anybody about what happened.
“I did not report to my parents because he threatened me. There is something about people that abuse you; you see them as somebody that has a strong hold on you. You are very afraid of them. They create this fear in you and when you see them, your heart will be in your mouth. I was living in Ebutte-Metta in Lagos,” the young lady said.
Unknown to her, her ordeal had just begun. She did not know what fate had in store for her. While attending extra-mural class, she was gang-raped on two different occasions.
During both encounters, it was by boys she called friends. The betrayal of friendship was a bitter one for her as the first time she was gang- raped it was by three boys.
Anuoluwapo said, “I used to go for a lesson when I wanted to write my JAMB back then. The lesson was in Yaba. There was a guy I met in the coaching lesson, his name is Lawrence. We became friends, we talked a lot. On this fateful day, I left lesson to go and buy something. I saw Lawrence and he told me to come over so we could talk.
“Someone who was my friend, I trusted him. He told me to come inside his house which I did. I sat in the parlour and before I knew it, two of his friends had come into the house. I knew one of them but we weren’t close. We just used to greet occasionally, his name is Tunde. Then Lawrence told me that I should come and see his sisters he told me stayed abroad; so I went to him. He gave me an album and I was looking at the pictures. We used to talk, we were quite close and he used to tell me about his sisters being abroad. Before then, he had never toasted me. He just called me to see the picture and as gullible as I was, I went to see the pictures.
“I was looking at the pictures and he was showing me his different relatives. The next thing I knew was that I was gagged, the light was off. It was around 7pm, my lesson then used to close at about 9pm. When they gagged me and the light went off, I did not know what was happening. I just heard Lawrence saying that it would be best if I could cooperate. It was the third guy that I did not know that was really brutal with me.
“They pushed me on the bed and the three of them had their way with me. When they told me to cooperate, I just laid there lifeless till they did all they wanted to. I can’t forget that day ever. It took a long time and I was on my period. Everywhere was messy. After that, Lawrence apologised. I left there and waited till late in the night before I got home. I did not tell anybody. I just went to my bed and slept like that. It was on that day I made a decision that I would never get married.”
She had no one to tell her plight and the burden was getting too heavy for her to bear, so she began keeping diaries. Having known their erroneous ways, Both Lawrence and Tunde came begging shortly after.
Tunde particularly, probably weighed down by the burden of his action, became very nice to Anuoluwapo. But no amount of niceness could make her forget such an horrible encounter.
“Since I could not tell anybody, I began keeping journals. In there I wrote how I felt because of the trauma it was causing me. I did not go back to the lesson after it happened for about three months. I went back and I faced the shame. Lawrence and Tunde came to apologise. They prostrated and I told them I had forgiven them but I could not forget. Tunde tried to be my friend, he became nice. Whenever I closed from lesson and I was heading home, he would walk me till I got a bus. He tried to be a good person,” she said.
After avoiding the lesson for three months, she decided to continue knowing how important her education was. A friend of hers, Dorothy, introduced her to a boy in Yaba College of Technology. His name is James.
James told Anuoluwapo that he really liked her and would like to date her, but she refused. She told him that they could only be friends. Unknown to her, the reply she gave planted a bitter seed in the mind of James. He later dealt with her in a way he thought was appropriate.
Once again, she got gang-raped, this time it was more brutal and with twice the number of boys that did it the first time. When it happened, Anuoluwapo told Saturday People that she wanted to die but death did not come her way.
Anuoluwapo said, “The fourth time it happened to me, it was a boy named James. He used to ask me out. I knew him through a female friend, Dorothy. He was a sudent in Yabatech but came around our lesson. He was someone that I saw as a friend. When he asked me out, I declined and told him we could only be friends. I was still in lesson.
“I sold female accessories and a female friend of mine, who also attended the lesson and lived very close by, told me to bring my goods to her house. I obliged her but I left my bag at the lesson with a friend of mine, Dorothy. I told her that I would be back soon. By the time I got back to ‘lesson’, everybody had gone home. When I did not see my bag, I began searching for it as all my money was in it.
“I went to meet the assistant proprietor of the lesson that I was looking for my bag but he shouted at me. He was really hostile because he had once asked me out and I refused his amorous advances. I told him that Dorothy could not have taken my bag home, probably she dropped it with him. He said that she did not and that I should not disturb him. I left and was wondering how I would get home when I saw James on the way. He asked me if I was not going home and I told him that I was looking for my bag and that I left it with Dorothy. He told me that he saw her when she was leaving and he knew where she went. All my focus was on retrieving my bag. He tricked me, telling me she went to Yabatech. We went to Yabatech and he was talking to a friend of his. I asked where Dorothy was and he told me that his friend knew where she was. I never knew they were strategising.
She continued, “The friend told me that she carried the bag and went into an estate. He told some other convincing lies I cannot remember. The estate was dark at night and quiet. As I was going with them, I just saw guys coming out from different angles. The next thing I heard was someone breaking a bottle. I knew the next thing that was going to happen and all that went through my mind was ‘is this supposed to be my friend?’ I knew I would be raped, but what I did not know was if I was going to survive it. I tried fighting my way out but they stabbed me severally with the broken bottle for me to know they meant business. There were six of them. I really fought my way to get out but how could I fight six guys? They all made sure they had sèx with me till they were satisfied.
“When they were done, they left me there. The next thing was that I just got up and wanted to go home. I needed my family. I knew I could not hide it anymore, all that I had been through. I knew I had to just tell my parents about this one. My clothes were muddy, torn. After they were done, they were laughing at me. I could not recognise James again, he made fun of me. Maybe because he asked me out and I did not agrees that was why he raped me. A lot of things went through my mind. I did not have any money and I could not walk from Yaba to Ebutte Metta in that state.
“I saw a man just coming back from work and I begged him for money. He looked at me strangely but did not understand. I could not explain what happened to him. He gave me two N50 notes. I ran and as I was running I was cursing them in my pain. They saw me and were still laughing. I got a bus and I stopped at Yaba, where I stayed till very late in the night. As at then, I did not care about anything. If anybody wanted to do anything to me then, I did not care. It was just as if I should die, but I did not see anything that would kill me that time.”
When she got home everywhere was dark and quiet. They had locked the gate to her estate. Her father was looking for me.
“I saw his car from afar. When he saw me, he asked why I had mud all over me. He said he sensed that something was wrong with me. My mother was there, I told them all that happened, that I was raped. My father wanted to go and arrest him, but the stigma, I believe, did not let him. As a father, how would you bear it, that six boys raped your daughter. They went back to collect my bag and it had been with the Assistant Proprietor all the while. He was just being wicked because I did not accept his advances; that was why he kept my bag. He was the major cause of the incident. If I had seen my bag, I would not have come across them.”
She told her father about the James encounter alone and was taken to the hospital. It was just him and my mother with the doctor. The doctor began asking questions, so she told him she just wanted to be alone in the room with him.
“When my mother left, I told the doctor about the other incidents. He felt for me, I cried and he cleaned me up and gave me drugs. He called my mother into the room and told her. She nearly collapsed but he told her to be strong and advised her against telling my father. He said he was also a father and he knew how my father might take it if he found out. Till date, my mother never told my father,” she said.
After some time, she changed her decision about not getting married. Although not currently married, the whole experience affected her.
“I was not able to trust men, I had sleepless nights. I was traumatised. I attempted suicide twice after the two times I was gang-raped. I always took overdose of drugs so I could take my life. I was living irrationally. I noticed that I was a very friendly person and people tried to get close to me. With all that happened, I started being mean. I decided I would not allow people to take me for granted. I always pushed people away and never let anyone get too close. Even when I went into some relationships, I walked out soon after because I kept seeing men as being the same,” she said.
Anuoluwapo later became a born again Christian, after hearing messages about forgiveness. “I knew my heart was heavy because I was carrying a lot of things. I had nightmares, at a time I felt I was cursed. Why would this happen to me over and over again, even as a child? I got betrayed by people I called friends. I just wanted to get everything out of my chest. I wanted to be healed, although I am still being healed The message about forgiving people, letting them go no matter how they hurt you, helped me a lot,” the 37-year-old said.
She advised that whoever had gone through this plight should not keep quiet about it. Anuoluwapo said that it is only when one voices out that healing could happen.
She said, “It is advisable that when things like this happen they should voice out. They shouldn’t keep it. I kept it in me for a very long while. There were friends that saw my issues with relationship and tried telling to stay in one but I talk to them annoyingly that they should leave me as they have not been through what I have. They should not keep it to themself and they should try to look for healing.”
Anuoluwapo later graduated from Olabisi Onabanjo University and is currently working with a local government in Lagos.
Mr. Treasure Kalu of EvictRapeAfrica, the Non-Governmental Organisation, rehabilitating Anuoluwapo told Saturday People that the young lady’s experience was a bitter one.
He said that it was good that Anuoluwapo decided to speak out about the incident and that was the first step to healing.
Kalu said, “Anuoluwapo’s experience is a painful one. Her decision to speak out about it was a giant leap that has helped her to heal. She is recovering and her life can only get better. People who have been abused in any way should not keep quiet about it.
The project, EvictRapeAfrica, got started on the 1st of August 2012. It’s an offspring of a childhood molestation experience which I had at the age of 8. The experience engendered a chain of reactions such as a low self-esteem, attempted suicide and bitterness. Having been able to gain freedom from the hold of the past, I found myself burdened with the need to create a platform that will spearhead a proactive campaign against sèxual violence against women and kids in Africa, create a hub where the violated can be given a voice to seek justice and find emotional healing from the trauma.”
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